circles

this too shall pass. hopefully.

t.d. surprised me in the afternoon of christmas day when she sent me a text message saying that she broke down and cried like hell when, in the middle of having fun with her family, the thought of m.h. just suddenly flitted by. it was not surprising to know that she cried in his memory- she always does; what surprised me was how she could have cried like crazy in front of everyone!

i've always felt that we both are in the same situation, but i can control such outbursts of emotion. i don't know if i should be envious- she can express herself anytime, anywhere, with anyone; i cannot. so, with all the humor and the bitterness in me, i told her, "but of course, you are crazy. we're the same in that respect. i almost cried myself when i had to spend christmas eve without gregg, but i got brave. you have to do the same. be brave. just try not to fall asleep, because i did."

i always try to make her feel better, even when i know everything is futile. i should know.

last night, i saw gregg just once- and he was asleep.

nothing can comfort me.