turnaround

i'm finding myself buried- deeper than i thought i would ever be- in a game that i have invented.


it's that game where i pretend to love coffee so much that i have to get at least a cup every night, where i also pretend that it's alright for me to be up and present at least two hours before i'm actually needed to be up and present, and where i also pretend to be disinterested all the time to keep the game as interesting as it should be. while all these pretensions seem complex, the object of the game is simple: to catch j.


"simple" is subjective, of course, and i used to believe that i'm one of those who get it. today, however, a few hours after i got off the bed, in the company of friends from college, i began to entertain doubts of my own. the doubts must have sprung from the fact that these friends have gone "serious"; the quality must have rubbed off on me, for now, i feel like i want to take things seriously and be taken the same way.


so off i went to see if the object of the game has changed.


it has. and it no longer involves j.


because all i see is the letter d.