distractions

funny.

and i mean, funny funny, not funny haha- that i did not think too much of gregg and our complex interactions when i was whiling time and the cough away in camarines sur, with friends from work. most of the time, it was p who kept my mind occupied- the nerve of a stranger to impose on me and my thoughts, no? and more nerves of me to have allowed the bastard to.

as if i can help it?

speak of help, i'm thinking i need less of it now in trying to keep gregg out of my system. he is gradually falling off it (pat on the back, pat on the back). p was making sure of it- he'd better, as i am slowly creeping into poverty and death (shudders) just to hear him say my name. hahaha. think about taking a cup of coffee worth some people's 3-meals-a-day package, twice or thrice a day, especially when you should avoid coffee, per doctors' instructions (understand that we're also talking about medications alongside it)! the heart has a mind of its own, really, and the stomach is the least of its concern.

hey, 'concern' rings a bell. i wonder if chuck is concerned about my feelings when he sometimes just looks at me- no "hello's", no smiles (even when it's expected of him)- when i stand before him, in all my splendor and glory (just a thought- if it was 'naked' splendor and glory, would his countenace and attitude change?). i wonder if he regrets not making me feel so special and loved (hahahahaha!) moments after he acts sooo uppity and standoffish. i wonder what makes him smile and call me by name (the not-so-famous one) sometimes; and i also wonder if he knows that i lose the will to breathe when he does that? he makes me wonder, no? hahahahahahahaha!

i don't think i'm in love; i'm shopping, dear.